Mr. Standby Travels

Tis' the season to feel like shit.

I know the holidays are supposed to be about feeling thankful but frankly they make me grouchy. There's a multitude of reasons but this time it feels a bit different. I am always a bit surprised when I read other bloggers/writers/journalists mention that they can't write, they are unable to write, are in a writing slump. Now I get it I think. When you are doing amazing things and finding real enjoyment in life, choices, or people around you and you have plenty to be happy about there is a period of time when it seems to all, just stop. The joy comes to a sort of plateau and levels out a bit. Suddenly there is no where to go but across. Sometimes the only option is the one dreaded worst...to backtrack and look for a new way up. The hardest way. All the while the spectre of Ambition is howling, demanding progress.

We've done quite a bit that I haven't posted about here. Scored tickets to see Cirque Du Solei, gone to football games in the super dome, christmas tree shopping, climbing. All of it amazing and yet totally moot because we get the crap news that we can't buy a house or progress with our other goals because our credit scores are insufficient.

That is a kick in the teeth my friends. We work very hard, very hard to make what money we have to pay what bills we can and are still told that we can't purchase a property to call home.

This is particularly hard for me because buying a house was something that I,
A) never really wanted to do
B) never thought I would want to do
C) worked really hard to convince myself that it was a good course of action
D) had come to actually believe that it was attainable and desirable
E) I want to give my wife and family the stability they want and need

Huge setback

what's worse is that the only way to rectify the situation is to work harder at jobs that probably will not be all that desirable, which will cut down on our quality of life. By quality of life I am not referring to the inconsequential things like going to movies or eating out which we rarely do as it is. What I mean is by working multiple jobs we will hamper our valued interpersonal time together, as husband and wife, mother and father, and restorative individual time.

In addition to this bit of grumbling the seasonal slump is in full swing, as I mentioned before. I can barely bring myself to think about sailing. I have totally stopped paying attention to Volvo. I suppose they are in Abu Dhabi by now. I really miss having time to get on my bike and just ride. I also have a serious urge to get my snowboard out in some seriously deep snow. Plus there is still a lurking memory of the desert that I just can't shake. It's like there is this primitive urge to get into nature happening in my core that I simply can't please. I can't just grab my pack and roll into the woods for a few days because,
1) its intensely irresponsible
2) totally unfair to my wife
3) if I'm away, that means I'm not working therefore we are losing money...see #1
4) if I'm away I am probably spending money to do so...see #1
5) it's the holidays, it is societally unacceptable to chose anything but family and friends

This is aggravated by the fact that I legitimately hurt my back at work. This is new to me, bodily pain. The kind of pain that we dread experiencing because it lets us know that this body has a definite expiration date. Which probably seems totally asinine to most people, but honestly I have never had to stop a recover from an injury before. I have broken my wrist and tailbone, but neither of those have stopped me in the way that this has. I managed to go to work the rest of this week because of a steady stream of pain killers and icy hot, and sitting relatively motionless on the couch. Watching my wife try to chase the kids away that just want to play ON daddy is frustrating. Knowing that even if I could get outside...I wouldn't make it far is equally frustrating.

On top of that the world is so messed up right now. The rioting, the killing, the politics of it all. It's just shit piled on shit. It's really bringing me down man, like way down.

So all that whiney garbage being said. I am in a slump. Eventually the tide will turn sure as the sun will rise. Which does bring a positive point to mind. Slumps are usually followed by vitality and triumph so here's to miserably looking forward to that!

I also thought that will all the misery the media is pumping into our minds these days that a bit of amazing would be good to see. Sit back and enjoy these potential slump busting videos

PEOPLE ARE AWESOME IN 2014